Introduction
I want you to think for a moment of friends who you feel especially close to and who you can always count on when times get tough.
What do you think is the most important characteristic of friendship that they have taught you?
Today, we are introduced to three of Job’s friends named Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar. These three friends of Job are often referred as “Job’s comforters.” At the beginning of Job’s suffering due to the loss of his wealth, children, and health, they demonstrate how to be friends who we can count on.
The first quality of Friendship demonstrated by Job’s friends is they dropped everything to come to the aid of their friends.
Actor and director Woody Allen once said that 80-90% of success is just showing up. We can say the same thing about friendship as well.
Good friends come to help without being asked or invited. Good friends value their relationships with their friends above and beyond their busy schedules. This is part and parcel of placing other needs before our own as we are taught to do through the example of Christ.
When we are in desperate straits or facing an illness, a tragedy, or death in the family isn’t it great to have friends who step in to help us without being invited. Job’s friends demonstrate this when they respond immediately to Job’s crisis and come to his aid.
Have you ever had the experience of suddenly having the feeling that you needed to phone or drop by a friend’s place and discovered that is what your friend needed? I am sure we all have stories to tell of the times when we needed help and at that moment the phone rang or a friend showed up just when we needed it. Kathy calls them “God moments.”
Kathy and I had friends in Nova Scotia who knew the right time to drop by. Our friends Barb and Charlie who lived across the street from us just seemed know when to show up when our children were sick, or our car needed fixing or we when needed encouragement and support as new parents. This is what good friends do.
The second quality of friendship that Job’s friends demonstrate at the beginning is Sympathy toward those who are hurting.
Sympathy is feeling compassion, sorrow, or pity for the hardships that another person encounters.
When Job’s friends arrive at Job’s city, they see their friend sitting outside the city’s gate, with his clothes torn, his head shaved, and with nasty sores covering his body. They see their friend praying and grieving as one would expect of someone in Job’s time to be doing. They know automatically from what they see that Job’s suffering is great.
Outside the city gate would have been the city dump. This is where the city would have burned their human and animal wastes, which is why it was often called the “ash heap.” And this is where people with diseases such as lepers would have been forced to live by the residents of the city. It was an unpleasant place to be.
The first thing Job’s friends do is they is to sit with Job among the ashes and the awful smells of the city dump and refuse. They tear their clothes and throw dust on their heads as was the custom to dramatically identify themselves with Job who feels he is as good as dead as the dust and ashes symbolize.
They also express their deep sympathy for him through the shedding of tears.
The expression of Job’s friends echoes the actions of Jesus who when he arrived to comfort his friends Mary and Martha over the death of their brother Lazarus broke down and wept. Jesus on other occasions expressed his sympathy through his tears. Sometimes the only we can do as well is to weep with and for our friends private in the time of
Like Job’s friends we should also not be afraid to sit publicly with our friends and weep with them if we value our friendship with them.
3) Job’s friends at the beginning teach us the value of suffering presence.
Job’s friends were at their best when they responded to his suffering by coming to sit quietly with him. They sit quietly with him for seven days and nights. Their quiet “suffering presence” said more than any words could. And in doing so they brought comfort to Job.
This sounds counter intuitive, but a tear, a nod, a sigh when a friend shares with us is extremely helpful and powerful. After a while you learn who you want to share with and who you don’t share with for just that reason.
In chapter 3, Job begins pours out his heart to God in great frustration and anguish, as only a man who has lost everything is prone to do.
When Job’s friends hear such open and honest talk come from a man who they believe is a very righteous and faithful man, unfortunately their sympathy for Job quickly changes to blame, shame, condemnation, judgment, and legalism.
Job’s friends become disgusted by such unholy talk from such a godly man like Job. And thus begins 34 chapters of dialogues between Job and his friends about who is right, who is wrong and attempts to explain the unknowable. Job’s friends cease at this point to be comforters and become his adversaries instead.
Job’s friend never make the leap from Sympathy to Empathy, which is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
Norman Habel in his commentary on Job writes,
“A despairing person needs loyalty from his friends (Job 6:14) not the arrogance of compassionless disputants.” (page 150)
Doesn’t it drive you crazy when “friends” with the best of intentions, insist upon offering advice when you are hurting or who offer explanations as to why you are going through a particular situation? Or when they share their experience, when all you want to do is listen and understand your situation and feelings?
I am sure we have all been on the receiving end of unhelpful advice, explanations and stories. More often than naught, words offer little comfort. I would rather have a good friend who will sit with me, listen to me, and who will simply offer their “suffering presence” to me.
Along with this we also need to learn the value of knowing when to stay and when to graciously leave. Job’s friends would have offered a greater degree of comfort if they had gone home after the seven days and nights. We need to learn from Job’s friends the comforting benefits of speaking less and staying for shorter periods of time.
A good rule of thumb is “If in doubt, say as little as possible to a friend in need.” I guarantee that your friend will truly appreciate it and will continue to share their struggles with you.
Here at the beginning of Job, we take the positive lessons from Job’s friends that point us to person and work of Christ.
Jesus showed up at the right time to help.
Jesus the Son of God identified with us by becoming human like us and truly entering into the pain and suffering of the world. He freely expressed his sorrow for others privately and in public.
Jesus put compassion first over judgment, he understood much, said and did only what was necessary to bring healing, hope, love and help to those who were hurting.
Jesus taught his disciples to love one another as he loved us and to demonstrate God’s love in concrete ways to others.
As we come to the Lord’s table today, let us thank God for our friendship with him and let us commit our to being the kind of friends God teaches to be to each other.
To God be all glory forever and ever. Amen.